So, with my renewed focus on the sweet and simple things in life, the question naturally had to come up: what do you do when life isn't sweet and isn't simple?
After a very difficult week at work, I felt thrown for a loop... like the ground under my feet suddenly wasn't as steady as it was before. Like most difficult situations, it made me question another person-- and it made me question myself. A few tears later, and after several conversations about what to do, the truth was I still didn't know what to do. That's okay- and I was okay with just letting myself get to the point where I knew what to do instead of forcing action when I wasn't ready.
I still felt tied up, though, and still felt like my mind kept going back to what had happened even though I was telling myself to let it go. Finally, I found a few strategies and tips that got me through... so I am sharing them today.
1) Ask someone outside your comfort zone for advice. Provided you can trust this person, it can be a great way to get a different perspective. Basically, the people we turn to most often (at least in my case) tend to be so similar to us that they see things similarly to the way we do. For me, asking a more casual (but trustworthy) friend at work was really helpful. After explaining the situation, I got a completely different and much nicer perspective on the situation than I had been assigning in my head.... making it much easier for me to-
2) Let it go. This only works if you really can do it. I've learned the hard way the danger of forcing yourself to "let it go" before you truly are able to process, be angry, or forgive. In this case, after hearing the advice I received, the anger and hurt I felt was just gone a few days later. It took a few days of just not even worrying about it to realize that it was gone.
3) Give the benefit of the doubt when you POSSIBLY can. It's hard to do, and we sometimes don't in order to protect ourselves, but often this lack of trust just hurts us more. It hurts our ability to give ourselves the benefit of the doubt when needed and our ability to believe that others will give it to us in life. Doing this really helped me to let a disappointment turn more into an opportunity for growth. This leads me to--
4) After you are feeling better, make a choice to get something out of a tough situation. Once I wasn't feeling so wronged and defensive, I had a clear head to ask myself some questions like:
*Why did this situation make me so upset?
*What could I have done in the moment to make it better instead of worse?
*What can I do in the future to prevent this or a similar situation from happening again?
I saw a quotation recently in a magazine that said something to the effect of, "How can life polish you up if you get upset at every rub?" I unfortunately don't remember the author or the magazine, but it really hit me. If you want everything to already be perfect, you don't get those opportunities for change and personal growth that the bumps in the road afford us. This situation also gave me the opportunity to--
5) Be the bigger person. Again, DO NOT attempt this if you can't do it sincerely. That is worse than not doing anything, because you are basically trying to be better than the other person out of your feeling of being wronged and wanting to show that you are better and he/she is worse. Luckily, I felt good enough after the previous four steps to make a nice gesture. And I felt really good for doing it.
I feel more mature and in control handling things this way than other ways I have in the past. Why let it be sour when you can make it sweet?
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